Something I look for in religious communications is the undertone that the one I am speaking with is dealing with me in a manner of a superior to an inferior. Most who have endured in the spiritual life, gaining advancement, come to harbor quite a bit of pride. The idea that few others can truly understand their depth ingrained is deeper than they dare to perceive, always speaking to others in a condescending manner, always trying to impress with their religious acumen. Even through charity and good intent, they truly do not hold others in the esteem they hold themselves. Those they do see as superior, or near equals, they interact with in a manner of constantly seeking approval, always attempting to be impressive. In a sense, there is a constant master/slave interaction with the world, a hammering away at personal-confirmation. The ability to interact with others as an equal, small beings sharing, is nearly impossible. .
If I am not able to hold to my normal mode of inexpressiveness, I like to play the fool, confounding situations. I do not mean to turn social encounters into a game of cleverness—who can subtly go to a deeper level of faking humility in order to achieve self-aggrandizement walking away from the conversation. Can I part with the belief I played the fool advantageously, thus proving to myself I am the one of greater humility. It all gets to be quite complex, and to be honest a serious headache. Awful!!!
There is an acronym from the recovery world JADE regarding personal reflection before speaking. Before spewing, I ask myself: are the words I am about to share Justifying (self-promoting), Angry, Defensive (overly-sensitive), or Emotional. If my words come forth from one of these four conditions then most assuredly they do not need to be heard by another. I am absolutely convinced the fewer words I speak, especially regarding religion, the more pleasing I am to God. There is no reason to fear the awkwardness of silence.
Lasting beneficial religious communication is a difficult matter. I find casual conversation, light and easy on content, greater in spiritual worth. Such conversation, while willing to delve into shared compassion and pain, rigorous ugly honesty, truly shows humility and advanced wisdom in human relations. Even with my therapist, or spiritual director as I could identify him, we rarely strike deeply in spiritual matters. We concentrate upon personal growth. My spiritual partner is an intense woman able to penetrate with punitive words. There are times she will scream at me, demanding the cessation of religious conversation, declaring she will vomit if I keep talking about religion. It makes me laugh, easily realizing it is time to shut matters down. It is astounding the number of people who dislike her as a cold hard woman, while I find her to be one of the most spiritually mature individuals I have ever encountered.
My sincere and genuine spiritual work is in mass and in prayer before the Eucharist–not in conversation. Another reason, I find the contemplative path, one relying upon the Eucharist, prayer, and sacraments as the most gratifying. It is a path centered upon authenticity rather than reputation and self-appraisal.
