Monthly Archives: June 2015

Jun152015

A path to healing

Today begins a new novena, the opening of prayer to Our Lady Undoer of Knots, underneath procuring guidance from Raphael, acknowledging the devotion of Pope Francis. Thoughts of my son linger, responsibilities, cares, love, longing to bring fruition to life. Asmodeus is the demon of death, the lover of failure and frustration, the relisher of broken dreams, the admirer of broken hearts and human suffering. Asmodeus garners pleasure from the struggles of men and women. Wickedly, he adores the crushing of children. The tying tighter of knots and complexities remains his diabolic, insidious mission.

Avoiding complexities and subtleties, millennials rally against suffering, against social injustice, seeking whole heartily to bring healing to the world, to bring wisdom and understanding upon an individual level therefore contributing to the greater whole. May Raphael guide my son and his friends, allowing them to open themselves to the fruits of the Holy Spirit, the expanding of theological virtues, the knowing of the love, compassion, and dispensing of graces existing within the Immaculate Heart of Mary. May Our Lady Undoer of Knots unravel the knots within the individual lives of my son and those he centers his life upon. Holy Mother unravel and untie them so they can be strong, utilizing the amazing intellects Our Father granted. Allow them to be everything they aspire to be, while guiding them to eternal peace. Do not allow Asmodeus to break their wills, to break their hearts, forcing them to submit their ideals to broken dreams and childish fantasies. Let Asmodeus not cleverly misguide their good hearts and intent into personal harm. You, gentlest of all mothers, know and love their hearts, do not allow Asmodeus to strip them of their strength, to devour their zest for life, their love of adventure and victory, to force them to submit their intelligence to the wrath of those consumed with only being right, knowing nothing of love, surrender, and the willingness to be defeated so powerfully displayed by Our Loving Savior. Untie the knots within their lives Loving Mother so they can be warriors of good, rather than conquers of personal brokenness, self-consumed glory and the will for power. Let them do the work of Our Holy Father, for within His mysteries I capitulate, aspiring only for love. A man of prayer, I know nothing of certainty.

Prayer to Mary, Undoer of Knots: Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life. 
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain, and how I am bound by these knots. 
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life. 
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone. 
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot. [Mention petition] I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all. You are my hope. 
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution, and, with Christ, the freedom from my chains. Hear my plea. Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge! Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me. Amen.

Our Lady Undoer of Knots

Our Lady Undoer of Knots

spacer
Jun142015

Wandering thoughts, admiring millennials, loving a younger generation

Walking in Cain Park, pondering, I thought deeply about my son and his housemates in Ann Arbor. The young adults made a positive impression. I truly enjoyed the encounter. Millennials, a generation for a new age, are cutting edge smart. Intellectually they are acute, exploring every and all ideals, picking and choosing that which is wisest: Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teachers, Buddhist thought, Eastern thought, writers galore, doctors amazing, artist creating, musicians advancing, actors embracing, psychological self-advancement, business acumen enhancers, management gurus, thinkers that penetrate with accuracy, high education, and an overall nonjudgemental approach to conquering life. They believe themselves to be highly intelligent and they are highly intelligent. Practically, financially, academically, physically-fit, adventurous, they want to conquer life. They demand a new way of life. Everything must be fair or they reject it. I hear them speaking, convinced they have had it with liberalism, and politics based upon big government.  They grasp government will never solve the world’s or individual problems. They are an impressive generation searching and finding truth. How can my faith, hope, and charity effectively move them? I relate this to the Bible study. With minds as educated and as sharp as the millennial minds you are never going to hammer scripture into their heads. You are never going to convince them they are wrong. You cannot label them as wayward and evil, possessed by demons, misguided and brainwashed by a leftist agenda, hopeless individuals centered in selfishness and egotism, and expect them to convert to your way of thinking. They will never be defeated by reasoning.  You can only impress them with gracious moral meaningful intelligent living.  Weakness, vulnerability, and open mindedness marks them the greatest. There is an intellectually awesome evangelical website that destroys all other ways of thought, including Catholicism, through scripture calling itself: ‘Holier Than Thou’. The title itself would make millennials vomit. I enjoy browsing the site as the man’s ideas are impeccable and amazing in depth and articulation. Rejecting the premise and projections, I admire his knowledge of scripture and many ideas he touches upon. Such a remarkable mind convinced of possessing ultimate and final truth, stands absolutely no chance with the millennials. The millennials have minds to match and even more than this his very premise that he is right and all other forms of thought are wrong instantly negates his thinking. They demand fairness and an openness to all avenues of thought. In fact, the one avenue of thought they jointly reject is fundamentalist Christians. Bible thumpers are one of the few lines of reasoning they discard, absolutely convinced of its ignorance and short-sighted thinking. They mock and ridicule Christian thinkers. Before these young brilliant minds are dismissed keep in mind their imposing morality. It is impressive. I am speaking about my son and his friends. I am a street smart older man, able to perceive penetratingly into individual ways of thinking.  I know what motivates people. I have been around the block many times, witnessing people from all levels of life.  These young adults are different.  They reject drugs and alcohol over-indulgence. They take care of their bodies, closely monitoring their diets, exercising, and pursuing holistic preventive approaches to good health. Another line of thinking they mock is hippies. Young or old, they deride potheads, crack smokers, and heroin users. Studies definitely establish heroin usage rampant amongst the younger generation, the proliferation of OxyContin and other prescription drugs contributing, however I am convinced there is also a younger generation healthy in a remarkable manner. A generation that has witnessed the burnout of hippies, the devastating effects of alcohol abuse, and the ravages of divorce. Raised upon ways that do not work, they search for ways that do work. In regards to families and sexual morals, their morality is interesting. In the previous week, I was consumed with Catholic ideals regarding marriage and being single. The millennials I witnessed reject marriage, while also rejecting the promiscuity of the free love generation. It is easy to target them with the gay marriage issue, bashing them over the head with strict, uncompromising dogma, however I saw young adults extremely sensitive to a sense of fairness, not hurting others. They viewed communal living, a safe non-confrontational environment respecting the rights and opinions of everyone as the essential building block for proper living. They themselves place strict demands upon one another for not only proper behavior, yet also proper thought and speech. There is a maturity to their singleness. The young ladies are not flirty, and the young men make a point of not viewing women as objects. There is not a ‘single’ mentality playing at male/female interaction that I believe occurs even in Catholic single groups. They are serious young adults living meaningful profound lives.  They take their effects and interactions with others on a deep level consumed with not hurting others. They are truly trying to do something never done before. Through time we have witnessed such revolutionary periods. I am convinced St Francis ignited a new way of life, as well as others St Dominic to name another. St Francis reenergized the Church after a dramatic turning of a thousand years after the death of Christ. Simplifying: feudalism and an authoritative practically corrupt Church was broken by the emergence of individuals, dispersed wealth, merchants, freedom of trade, trade fairs, travel (crusades), exchanging of goods, authentic religious authorities, it was a time of great cultural change. There were others: the renaissance, enlightenment (time of revolution), the industrial revolution and the times of world wars. Culturally the world changes, a collective unconscious established within mankind. I think the millennials are a generation of great change. Better minds, than my own I am sure are thinking the same thing–important to note good and evil minds. How does the Catholic faith fit into everything? Truly the Catholic faith is the body of Christ, under the protection of the Queen of Heaven. If we possess such power are we to read scripture and anticipate a severe abandoning of the Church? I do not know. I do know I really enjoyed the millennials I encountered. They are sincerely a generation like I have never seen before, much smarter and aware of spiritual and worldly things than my generation. Cultured, refined in taste, technically savvy, responsible, caring, nonmaterialistic, beyond a rock-n-roll hippie shallowness, rejecting the selfishness of goodtime seeking singles and sexually promiscuous lifestyles, they have a tremendous moral value they yearn to offer to the world, a maturity of spirit and intellect, and most important behavior. I am convinced within their life’s is the seed for Catholicism. Pope Francis is a man they are listening to. They like Pope Francis. I am convinced the depth of Catholicism can sweep them away. Thinkers like St Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, St John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, Alphonso Liguori, the Little Flower, many others–those able to communicate truth rather than dogma they will open up to. Catholicism has a rich array of worthy intellectuals consumed with truth rather than being right. The lives of saints like St Francis, Little Flower, Damien the Leper, Joan of Arc, Philip Neri, John Bosco, Maximillian Kolbe, Edith Stein, Joseph of Cupertino, Mother Teresa—saints who lived lives of sacrifice and servitude, rather than the promoting of dogma and self-righteousness the millennials will embrace. We have the beauty, majesty and power of the Queen of Heaven. I know they would perceive her tremendous love and compassion. Their hearts are proper for reception. I had a nice moment in the true crime, detective, mystery Ann Arbor bookstore. Aunt Agatha something was the name of the store. Prejudice in thinking, assuming the store was liberal in agenda, therefore focused upon embracing all avenues of thoughts rather than the profound daily practicing of a single way of thought, I was amused when checking out to look up and see a beautiful Immaculate Conception statue perched atop the owner’s personal bookshelf. A smile blossomed upon my lips. Detecting my elation, the owner followed my eyes to identify my focus upon her Mary. She turned, sharing a smile. Here was Our Lady the whole time reigning over the store. I am proud the Michael Dibdin book, I purchased from the store, my son’s roommates fought over in regards to who was going to read it first. That is the way powerful authentic Catholics can reach the millennials. They must sincerely like us as people, be attracted to the hidden glory of God we worship and shape within our souls.  They have penetrating vision amidst a mature mindset.  It is not only an obstinate arrogant self-righteousness that will negate Catholicism.  If they perceive immaturity, shallowness, and selfishness, we stand no chance of earning their respect.  Even if not comprehending details, they must perceive the mature formation the Eucharist has conducted upon our hearts, minds, and being. We must be people of depth they naturally and easily respect, admire, and like.  We must be people of depth for they are people of depth. Rather than tell them who they are or should be, we would be wiser to allow them truly to experience a person in imitation of Christ. It is not about being right, rather more importantly being Christ-like. They must see our weaknesses more than our need to dominate them in thought. We cannot dominate them in thought. These are young clever adults who have seen everything. They know divorce. They know alcoholism. They know drug abuse. They know the excess of sexual irresponsibility. They know the things that do not work. Intellectually, they are mature, having explored and ventured into many ways of thoughts, and keep in mind the Catechism teaches that other forms of thought possess seeds of truth. Truth exist outside of Catholic teaching. Catholicism contains the fullness of truth, yet parts of truth exist within other ways of thought. These young gifted minds know truth when they witness it. God blessed them with dazzling, vibrant minds. They have hearts that long for what works. Catholicism does work. Let us pray we can all do our part to inspire young minds to know the love of Mary, the wisdom of the saints, and the saving grace of Jesus.

Millennials jumping into a new world

Millennials jumping into a new world

spacer
Jun142015

Growth during sleep, doing nothing, simply fellowship

Today’s scriptural readings coalesced into a nice reflection touching upon Divine infusion; making possible, allowing, the Holy Spirit to enter our lives.  I determined to post the daily readings, abridged, permitting God’s word to speak for itself, amidst images whispering.  During mass, I experienced an intense awareness during the readings.  They are now faded, evanescent in magnitude.  No explanation aside from a comment regarding events after mass.  I feel I have insulted a nice couple conducting a post-mass Bible study.  Enjoying treats and coffee, I do not attend the Bible study.  What struck me was a woman, a member of a pleasant husband and wife team I draw closer to, became agitated with her husband’s nudging to go to the Bible study.  The more time I spend with her the more I like her instincts.  Things visibly fluster her.  A nice woman, she tries not to react, trying to cover up and pretend everything is fine.  However, I notice and the more I do the more I trust her. She does not want to go into a group setting and listen to another couple speak as authorities on the Church, prepared and ready to dazzle everyone with their scriptural knowledge and righteousness.  Being a nice person, she has attended the Bible study, yet afterwards I speculate things just did not settle properly within her.  Her husband is a remarkably approachable and sociable man.  We talk sports, especially the Cavs to a great depth.  The Cavs are another matter that fluster her.  Her input into the conversation being, ‘Is tonight the last game?’  I laughed and responded, ‘you are suppose to enjoy the happening, not just looking forward to the ending.’  She tought about my words, before a smile broke out upon her face.  Her husband attends the Bible study as there is no way he would insult anyone, going above and beyond to ensure he does not insult anyone.  He is truly a pleasure to encounter the more depth we establish between us.  His wife and I, amongst others, discussed her various trips to Spain and Italy.  I am allowing a trip to Madrid during Holy Week to alight into the realm of possibilities.  The woman became excited speaking about a favorite trip to Assisi.  She had me laughing as she went into great lengths, expressing her frustration by the fact Italians charged a fee to use their restrooms.  She told how she felt victorious when one time she was able to use a restroom without having to pay.  Things agitate her.  She is a sweet woman, a person of depth.  Regarding the Bible study I concur with her.  I have no desire to intellectualize upon God’s word almost immediately after mass.  Mass carries me through the afternoon, and once I have socialized, solitary Adoration is my means of edification.  I am polite, cordial, truly enjoying fellowship, yet the instructing, directing, and imposing upon other’s spiritual life is not necessary.  Being single, no immediate family near, I am blessed by the quality Catholic companionship being revealed; discovering depth and respect being cemented through weeks of interaction.  Once again, the prevalent message screams: God’s word is most efficacious contemplatively within silence, prayer, mass, and adoration.  Before the centered daily readings, St Paul crushes with insight:

“We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God’s secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written: ‘No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.’ [Isaiah 64:4] — but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.” (1 Corinthians 2:6-11)

Thus says the Lord GOD:
I, too, will take from the crest of the cedar,
from its topmost branches tear off a tender shoot,
and plant it on a high and lofty mountain;
on the mountain heights of Israel I will plant it.
It shall put forth branches and bear fruit,
and become a majestic cedar.
Birds of every kind shall dwell beneath it,
every winged thing in the shade of its boughs.
And all the trees of the field shall know
that I, the LORD,
bring low the high tree,
lift high the lowly tree,
wither up the green tree,
and make the withered tree bloom.
As I, the LORD, have spoken, so will I do.

–Ezekiel 17:22-24

Cedar of Lebanon

Cedar of Lebanon

Brothers and sisters:
We are always courageous,
although we know that while we are at home in the body
we are away from the Lord,
for we walk by faith, not by sight.
Yet we are courageous,
and we would rather leave the body and go home to the Lord.
–2 Corintheans

Noel-coypel-the-resurrection-of-christ-1700

…a man were to scatter seed on the land
and would sleep and rise night and day
and through it all the seed would sprout and grow,
he knows not how.

A wheat field, fresh crop of wheat.

A wheat field, fresh crop of wheat.

spacer
Jun132015

Driving a gifted vehicle, celebrating the Immaculate Heart

Immaculate Heart of Mary

Immaculate Heart of Mary

Although they may be good in themselves (spiritual exercises), their proper use may only serve to confuse the mind, increase self-love and instability and thus open a way to the illusions of the devil.

Yesterday I find remarkably insightful, as I do the experiences of today. The disenchantment sweeping over my hell-bent, full-throttle to Missouri escape, a Trappist monastery excess, and then the telephone call informing there were no openings at the inn appeared heaven sent, a smack in the face of self-will, an affirming of the above words from ‘Spiritual Warfare’.

The gifted rental car is being utilized. I woke early to start my day with daily mass at St Stanislus in Cleveland. Staying within the Spirit, moving forward in life aligned with Divine Will, discovering, expanding in depth self-knowledge, who I am, I find it essential in maximizing contemplative efforts. I need depth in life. I must have depth in life. It is a part of my devoted personality type and my INTP personality; demanding order, structure, and a greater meaning within all activities; a profound awareness embracing life through love–everything focused back upon the contemplative life, the prayerful life aspiring for a greater love of God, therefore a more efficacious grace-providing servitude.  Love and meaning must rule my unique life of surrender and concentration upon prayer–the Eucharist, or I collapse into self-destruction.

INTP personality type, the Logician. “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning”–Albert Einstein. The INTP personality type is fairly rare, making up only three percent of the population, which is definitely a good thing for them, as there’s nothing they’d be more unhappy about than being “common”. INTPs pride themselves on their inventiveness and creativity, their unique perspective and vigorous intellect. Usually known as the philosopher, the architect, or the dreamy professor, INTPs have been responsible for many scientific discoveries throughout history

I like how Dr Nichta stresses the importance of knowing my strengths and weakness within my unique individual personality. The above quote also possesses a negative side. For myself, the INTP is the self-destructive alcoholic who is willing to crash his life in order to induce the greatest drama and depth possible to the negative extreme. I will absolutely destroy myself in order to live a life of punishing meaning, despair, and dramatics—the exercising of a vigorous out-of-control intellect challenging life to the extreme. The existential writer/poet alcoholic who is unabashedly driven by the most insane intense inner-fear of the natural life, a man of God who will crush himself in the darkness of an absence of self-control, loneliness, insecurity, psychological knots, unGodly darkness, and the void of not knowing how to cope and deal with life.

My life must possess a greater meaning, depth mandatory, the opportunity to interact with life through love, to know and experience God intimately daily. That is the man I am. Shallow, superficial, hanging out having mindless fun, just being normal, absolutely does not work for me. I will destroy myself, or someone else, under such conditions. I will give an example of how my life must unfold. Today was an enlightening day, after an evening I almost pursued an avenue of excess, a superfluous Cistercian adventure, spiritual gluttony promoting self-love. The day after, starting with an early mass at St Stanislaus, things happened.  At St Stanislus–a downtown Cleveland Polish parish, after mass, an elderly man accosted me. On the day of the celebration of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, following upon the feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, a small intimate mass, the kissing of St Anthony of Padua relics after mass, a quaint was enjoyed. The old man followed me out of the church, uttering words desperate to be heard. I told him I would buy him breakfast at the Red Chimney, a local favorite diner just a block or so down 65th street if we met again, however today I was in a hurry to return to Toledo to visit my friend Janette. Janette, a Toledo friend, is a Polish first generation ninety-six year old woman. I told the man how pleased she would be by the St Stanislaus Shrine information brochure. I do not think the old man comprehended my words as he was so busy telling me about a chapel he restored on North Bass Island. His words were difficult to understand at times, and I was not quite sure why he was detailing to me his extensive effort to restore the Lake Erie island chapel, the incredible loss he took on the job. I do know he perfectly fit my personality type, and that every word from his mouth was a gift from God. Over and over, he assured me that he not only renovated the North Bass chapel, yet restored it to original grandeur, exactly what the church, architect, and builder intended. Though he complained extensively about losing over fifty thousand dollars on the job, and I am not sure he properly estimates his cost and labor, it is obvious he conducted a labor of love. He experienced something an old man could walk around after mass and badger others about. That is the depth and meaning I must be able to procure from life, the encountering of Divine Will.

North Bass Island chapel

North Bass Island chapel

The morning advanced into the afternoon with a Janette visit. I become nervous every time I visit. It has now been over three years of being bedridden. Ninety plus years of age, I fear for her condition upon approach, dreading the discovery of her name being removed from her door. Remarkably, I am always presented with a vibrant smile, a vivid mind full of memories, stories, and conversation. I see signs of the advanced state of being bedridden, an eye that no longer focuses, difficulty hearing, slow in motion, and a stench, yet overall the sight and conversation exercises the love I must have in order to bring meaning to life. Even now I thank God for allowing me the opportunity and insight to forego Missouri and pray the Rosary with Janette. Janette and I met through daily praying of the Rosary at St Adalbert’s in Toledo. I can remember the first time we met. Undergoing self-inflicted hell from a drinking binge, recovering, pulling my life together, I attended the mass in order to conduct a confession before Sunday mass. I knew St Adalbert’s held confession before the Sabbath celebration. After confession I prayed the Rosary with Janette. A stranger with a wonderful voice, she prayer one decade in English and the next in Polish. I found it profound to recite a decade and then hold silence during the foreign tongue. Praying the Rosary with Janette became habitual for a period in my life. Returning to St Adalbert’s in later years, the woman was missing. Exploring, searching for her identity, I learned she was placed in a nursing home. That is when I started visiting her. I credit her remarkable mental faculties and disposition at her age and condition upon her lifelong dedication to prayer. The woman is a testament to the power of prayer. The proper and most efficacious living of the spiritual life is through a vigorous prayer life. At times, I stare at Janette, pondering how can she be so peaceful, competent in thought and recollection, no touch of despair or depression, absolutely no self-pity, being bed-ridden for so long, facing death, knowing she will never leave that room. The boredom does not get to her. Despair does not touch her. This is a woman who watches no television. She still reads, loving mysteries and romances. She is such a treasure. Today during our Rosary she faltered a bit, stealing the lead from me during the third decade of the Glorious mysteries. Afterwards, we laughed about it. Before praying, I informed her I forgot to place a Rosary in my rental car. I knew she would have an extra. She handed me a beautiful blue lacy pouch containing a small feminine Rosary, one Ann made for her. I smiled, accepting the Rosary, registering her words that it is the one my friend made, listening to her comment how many people find the smaller Rosary unique and splendid. Her memory astounds me, and her consideration. Last Easter season I bought her an electronic candle Trinity arraignment. Over a year past, her first words upon seeing me today was an apology for not having my gift displayed. I chuckled, saying trust me no offense taken.

The Holy Spirit hovering, Divine Will tangible and caressing, I utilized the free rental car to move further north to visit my son in Ann Arbor. I have not been to Ann Arbor in over a decade or more. I was gratifyingly surprised. Ann Arbor has really prospered, the downtown vibrant and thriving. The restaurants, specialty stores, and ambiance present a cultured international cosmopolitan academic wonder. Ann Arbor is flourishing as a vivacious small Midwestern city. The people are a serious mix of ethnicity, culture, intellect and success, mixed with a proper amount of over-achieving artistically bent failure. A quick random greeting from a handsome physically fit oriental medical student can be appropriately followed by an older world-weary African American street gentleman sporting a crazy sparkly red clown hat sounding out a melodious Jazz tune upon his saxophone, his eyes imploring for a donation. My son’s home, his friend Emily the owner, startled me. Emily inherited the downtown home from her grandparents. She rents to a handful, exact number unknown, young adults, my son included. The home is huge and most impressively intelligently and efficiently cared for. I assisted with an electrical problem they were encountering, marveling at the recently updated electrical service feed, a precisely marked three hundred amp main electrical panel, feeding a smaller sub-panel for basement and outdoor usage. The basement was completely redone, hardwood floors installed and brick walls painted and waterproofed. Emily knows how to care for a turn of the century home. The house was mammoth, the layout millennial and brilliant. There is a vegetable greenhouse in the front yard, amidst flower beds. In the smaller, spaced utilized backyard, is clever chicken coop and fountain feeding a rock garden. Rhode Island Red chickens populate the idyllic environment. Beautiful. Inside the home, there are hydro gardens, an organized kitchen for gourmet cooking, fish aquariums, a sauna in the basement, books upon books, and other items and objects minds on fire for life need to possess. The young adults, millennials, I met were a bit intimidating with their intelligence, quick minds, education, and vibrancy to show themselves off. Crazy smart, highly educated, writers, a medical researcher, a historian, I found immense pleasure in conversation. Humbled, a bit sensitive regarding words, I felt self-conscious, on guard, not wanting to seem dumb. That is a pleasant change from my usual arrogant mindset. It is good to encounter highly intelligent minds exercising facilities to the highest degree. It properly places one in check. For myself, it provides the depth and meaning I must derive from life in order to stay sober and focused upon life. It was a maxim day of energizing contemplative efforts. I was pleased arriving in Temperance, Michigan, my mother’s home, to receive a text from Zack informing me his roommates, two attractive young ladies—pretty women are abundant in Ann Arbor—were fighting over the Michael Dibdin book detailing the adventures of Sherlock Holmes unmasking the murderous devilish corruptions of Jack the Ripper, a brilliant favorite writer taking on of the efforts of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I purchased the book for their home at a neat crime, detective, mystery used bookstore. The store owner engaging in conversation as she picked out mysteries set in the high middle ages for me. I responded to the text, informing him Dibdin only gets better in his Aurelio Zen series. A Michael Dibdin quote from the Ratking: “Criminals have the same aspirations as everyone else. That’s why they become criminals.”

 The words mysticism and contemplation are essentially the same. Many mystical people are totally involved in affairs of the world. What makes them mystical is their great love of God and how their lives stem upward from the all-consumed love. We don’t have to grasp all the classic prescriptions on contemplation according to the master teachers, namely the saints known by their mysticism. It is not extraordinary that God is within and wants to speak to us, we need only to search within ourselves and discover that God may be calling us to a mystical life  

There is an inordinate search for the mystical. Every bookstore has a section devoted to mysticism. The modern press moves us to conjure up strange images of weird psychics and phenomenal yogis performing feats that blow the mind. What I am discussing here is not the false mysticism of a fanatical movement that captivates a person and pulls them out of touch with reality. The mysticism that I will describe is not what drug enthusiasts call ‘tripping out’. It is more like ‘jumping in’. The contemporary hermit monk, William McNamara,OCD, author of numerous books on Christian mysticism, teaches;”The mystic is not an isolated thinker who simply loves to reflect, prowling around in the sanctuary of his own psyche. Most of the mystics I know are strong , robust and vibrant, almost fierce, obsessed with a Zorba-like, or better, Christ-like madness.”1

The authentic Christian mystic does not look for the extraordinary. A mystic has a direct intuition of ultimate reality and is convinced of his divine intimacy with God. The genuine mystic is known by joy, patience, trustfulness and peace.

Contemplation, although the highest form of prayer, is not an elite, lofty endeavor for special ‘holy’ people. It is for ordinary, happy, uncomplicated people who enjoy being with God.

Contemplation is a long, loving, listening, joyful look at the real God, at our real self,’at real people and at the real world. Down in the depths of contemplation, we play no games…. we are dealing there “in the sacred sanctuary of the core of our being,” says St. Augustine. Simply stated, it is a personal experience of God, a direct and immediate contact with the divine. It is as Moses experienced…seeing God face-to-face, not through a concept or an image but directly through faith.  —Jacqueline Gallowy

Downtown Ann Arbor, Michigan

Downtown Ann Arbor, Michigan

 

spacer
Jun122015

Restful ending

I am exhausted, sitting down to type. A fabulous weekend occurrence, Enterprise supplied me with a free car. I reviewed my Memorial Day four day rental justifiably negative through Yelp online. In response, Enterprise called offering the weekend rental. I assumed a sure sign I was destined for Missouri. In route to Missouri, a hundred miles traveled, I received a call from the abbey stating there would be no openings in the guesthouse for the weekend. Struck by a crushing fatigue, I knew it was proper to turn the adventure around, to seek the solace of home. I worked a turnaround shift, getting off at 11:30 PM and reporting back to work 7:00 AM. Following work, I met with Dr Nichta. Walking into his office, he did not even allow me to seat myself on the couch, before imploring: ‘what is wrong? You look awful.’ Work was extremely strenuous today. Maintenance on the thousand ton presses is dirty, greasy and unpleasant due to graphite saturation. To the doctor, I blamed my exhaustion on work, at that point still excited for a Missouri excursion. Moving into the conversation, I discussed work. Dr Nichta penetrated, ‘You saw Ann this week didn’t you?’ I was honest. We discussed matters. I made the point that underneath right and wrong, putting aside justification, deeper issues, everything, I am struck with an impression that she does not understand how earnestly I was wounded. I remember when I left the friary, fighting ferociously with Father David Mary, he suddenly tried to control himself, breaking into tears, proclaiming, ‘you do not know about love. When I love it is deeply, and…..’ I am not sure what else he said I know there was more. It stunned me how much I hurt him. I did not expect it. Regarding Ann, Dr Nichta stressed that recognizing my sober strength right now, my absolute conviction to faith, hope, and charity, my resilient prayer life and devotional dedication to a deeper unification with the Trinity, I should admit how weak and vulnerable I am to my passion for Ann. Within the conviction of righteousness, the desire for a higher love respecting Catholicism, I am utterly weak confronted with love. A devoted personality type, I love on a level penetrating and absolute, yet also in a way that can become destructive, dependency driven. Love overpowers me. I am rendered helpless within love. Dr Nichta assured me everything was deeply spiritual, something I should be proud of. There should be no embarrassment for my grieving. He spoke of time and seasons, and the properness of feeling and passing through, growing beyond difficulties, brutally honest, not running and hiding any in form. To love on a deeper level is virtuous, yet for me also dangerous. Driving, I became overwhelmed with disillusionment and severe weariness, my heart pouring forth tears, I could barely focus upon the road. A hundred miles into my journey, receiving the call from the abbey, I was happy to turn my ship around. I do not even feel like writing. I want to pray a Rosary, and peacefully drift into sleep. I offer an image.

Our Lady Undoer of Knots

Our Lady Undoer of Knots

spacer
Jun112015

Discernment

Discerning, slipping slowly into the ethereal, while my feet trudge drudgingly though the mud, the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration waft through, with, and in sound, and vision, and yet something more. I am watching, waiting, praying, understanding there is no place else I would rather be, right now. The sisters have elevated their spiritual life to no compromise, beyond words, opinions and identity. There is a reason I have become focused upon them. Open minded, moving away from judgment, I take note of how they are doing day after day. What people think means nothing in the longevity of time and the continuing of days. Immediate community companionship, a threat, it still allows the opportunity for exercising love, while St Teresa of Avila and others exist to suppress and instruct. Everything centered in prayer. Life is truly religious. I watch, ruminating. Thy will be done. A life to be lived, yet like the single life, it is a dangerous life, even more, dangerous because it is more difficult. Marriage excites, properly holding to Tobaih and Sarah, to embrace the eternal with another, the reduction of immaturity and imperfections just really does not seem possible. Damage accumulates and surmounts within those faltering within broken single lives, children in the spiritual life, playing through selfishness, religion just a means of entertainment and the claiming of a superior identity. Patience and prayer, a struggle with my interior conflicts with my vicious inclinations and the performance of acts of the contrary virtues. To run away to the cloistered contemplative life improperly is a grave mistake. It will crush, induce insanity; sloth becoming a sin patiently, aggressively inducing a horrible death. Witnessing, there is a Trappist monastery, identity left alone, in which failure has become a way of life. God instructs through example. The vocational director, a friend I have not contacted in years, blunders deeper and deeper into insanity. My love for him is tremendous. My heartbreaks every time I speak to him. The communication becomes absurd at times. Matter of fact, I see him so clearly, the monastery will be a destination this weekend, the Ozarks always a sensation to encounter. A weekend retreat appears, becomes a reality, with the thought of ascending descending into the morning. Clearly, the need for reflection and peace manifests itself. God is good, giving, and instructing.  The Trappist lifestyle lived to a struggling state of stagnation will be shared.

Ah, My child, aren’t you convinced yet that you can only take as much light, grace, variety and virtue as you know about? Of course there have been saints who have always done My Will, but they have taken from My Will only as much as they knew about. They knew that doing My Will was the greatest deed, the one that honored Me the most and which won sanctification. They acted with this intention and this they took, because there is no sanctity without My Will and no goodness or sanctity, great or small, can exist without It.

This Mary statue is from the Trappist home. It captures my fancy through the neglect shown to it. There are no Rosaries being prayed for Our Beloved Mother. The absence of prayer is tangible, knowing the situation I see it in the photo. Whenever I observe the photo, the thought is forefront of Our Holy Mother being neglected. I was with my familial mother this weekend, spending time at my father’s gravemarker with my mother and my son, sounding Hail Marys and a prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. The cemetery is holy, a place of prayer; peace and quiet warmly extended, a pond center, the presence of water present. My mother spoke excitedly to us about plans to install a sitting bench in front of my father’s gravemarker. It will be her seat for praying the Rosary. Places of prayer attain a presence easily to immerse ourselves within. St Paul’s Shrine is such a divine connecting space. Our Lady of Sorrows does not possess such warmth in this statue. Still, she radiates and calls forth.

Mary Assumption

Mary Assumption

Father,
I honor the Sacred Heart Of Your Son,
Brutalized by the corruption of my deeds,
Yet symbol of the triumph of love,
Pledge to all that I am called to be,
Teach me to see Christ in all the lives that I touch,
Allow my life to be a living worship to you My Lord
through love-filled service to my brothers and sisters,
Through the Sacred Heart of Jesus wash me from my iniquities,
Cleanse my heart,
so I can love greater,
Amen

Hidden Abode, an Ozark alcove.

Hidden Abode, an Ozark alcove.

spacer
Jun102015

Identifying proper application, maximizing energy

Now that you are in a position to please Him more than ever, speak from the fullness of your heart and say: “It is the will of God that is accomplished in me. From all eternity God’s love has chosen me to undergo this suffering today. May He be blessed forever! …Recollection and attachment to God should be a normal attitude…Your chief activity will be the interior conflict with your vicious inclinations and the performance of acts of the contrary virtues…It must not be imagined that a multiplicity of exercises (spiritual) will produce any real progress in devotion. Although they may be good in themselves, their proper use may only serve to confuse the mind, increase self-love and instability and thus open a way to the illusions of the devil. –‘Spiritual Combat’ Dom Lorenzo Scupoli

An interesting turn of events has been occurring at work for weeks. There is a general panic, fear of lay-offs due to a reduction in workload. It has become personal for myself now that it has been announced my Saturday work will be eliminated, and weekdays reduced to eight hours. First, a bit of a pat on the back, I remain fearless, removing myself from gossip and speculation. What comes, comes, and God allows all things to happen. I trust in God. Everything is exactly as God wills at every precise moment in my life. I have to be more accepting as I grow closer to the One Who is the Most Accepting. My initial panic is a serious decline in my paycheck, yet in truth that is paranoid. All I do is hoard money, living remarkably cheap. God has placed me in a perfect temporary home, demanding minimal rent in a wonderful neighborhood. Where my mind quickly steers toward fear, there truly is nothing to fear. The challenge will be to discern properly the blessing of an increase in personal leisure time. That is why I quoted the above writing of Dom Scupoli. My tendency is too overindulge in spiritual activity, spiritual gluttony, yet that is a form of selfishness, promoting self-love. Maximizing energy in regards to greatest contemplative efficacy involves utilizing my time wisely.  Accepting my strongest battle is behavior and thought contrary to virtue, the realization centers that an increase in time will magnify the battle. Knowing myself, that I am a man of schedule and routine, a devoted personality always seeking to love, while easily slipping into dependency, I understand a battle plan will have to be instituted. I am not afraid of sadness nor boredom. I must not preoccupy myself with social superficial activity simply for the sake of avoiding proper unpleasantness, neither do I allow sloth and depression to overwhelm me. I am in a period of serious grieving, yet I move through it, learning from it. How can I use a serious increase in personal time, while staying aligned with the will of God, not becoming morbidly depressed or overly busy, exercising dependency, seeking out others simply to block brutal reality? Alcohol is defeated, yet life is still difficult. A strong prayer life does not solve all my problems, cannot fill all of my time. In fact, too much prayer activity will asphyxiate my prayer life. My blogging efforts are establishing and other activities demonstrating a love of writing and expressing myself. Authentically, I open myself to a proper reception of divine matters while writing, steering away from self-glorification, expanding faith, hope, and charity. I accurately demand accountability from writing efforts, while allowing myself the option of being wrong. Perfection is not demanded. Previously in life, I felt I had to be drunk to write. It is why so much of my fiction is difficult to expose. In my heart, I aspired toward goodness while opening the door to demons. It would surprise nonalcoholics how strenuously active alcoholics fight in drunkenness to remain righteous. A futile battle, insane warfare, the majority of drinking alcoholics focus on nothing but redemption. I think that is why so many become so devout in faith once they are able to sober-up properly. They have known the dredges of misery, clinging tightly to truth when they are finally able to live it. However going about spiritual matters in an excessive, obsessive manner is also dangerous. Extremes do not work. It is a difficult game, a balancing act involving the acceptance of pain and boredom. An increase in creative writing efforts, an older story temporarily titled ‘Man Tower’, predominantly written sober, explored in this blog, will be resumed.  I have been editing, rewriting, now I will expand into new areas, a strenuous endeavor as it involves incorporating scripture synchronized with Thomas of Celano’s ‘First Life of St Francis.  A historical fiction work, extensive research must be resumed, thus the further filling of healthy time. Yesterday, I played basketball, first time in three weeks. Performing horribly, making a handful of shots, while I never stop shooting. I lost every game. I had a blast. The men are such a blessing in my life. They were so happy to see me. I was moved by the gentleman who hosted the cookout at his ranch. Zoltran made a point of informing me his wife had the serving bowl I left at their home. The cookout was over two weeks ago. I said, ‘Zoltran the bowl cost me a dollar fifty at the dollar store. I consider it disposable’. He said, ‘so you do not mind if we use it to feed the chickens’. I could only laugh, thankful to be once again in his company. That is activity that accentuates my prayer life, my contemplative efforts. Daily exercise will be incorporated, utilizing the wonderful Cain Park. Overall, my new urban neighborhood offers a smorgasbord of social activity. It seems every time I go for a walk, or jog something interesting occurs. The other day walking through the park, I was admiring a freshly painted park bench when to my wondrous surprise I noticed a twenty dollar bill underneath. I retrieved the bill, seeking out the young redhead painting the benches, yet she said it was not hers. There is an attractive woman who was exercising near. I see her quite often. I will ask her if she lost anything the next time I see her. That reminds me. I received an e-mail from Father David Mary. It brings tears to my eyes to state that we will be conducting an ongoing effort of reconciliation. For all of our differences, I never for a moment questioned the man’s priestly dedication and awesomeness. His spirituality I respect to the highest degree. My prayer life was elevated to an incredible level under his guidance, a love of the Eucharist and an awareness of the power of Adoration firmly established. He is truly a powerful priest pursuing and fulfilling a unique mission. My heart is lightened to know we will be working together in spirit. That invigorates my prayer life, energizing my contemplative efforts. Regarding the maximizing of energy, filling time appropriately, my focus upon marriage must be clarified a bit. I spoke with my friend Carol and she laughed at me, saying you are not ready for marriage. It was said with all due regards to graciousness, complementary. I was not so much making a demand to be married right now, more than defining. Everything was so insane with Ann in regards to male/female interaction that I had to set everything straight in my mind. The marriage I seek may still be with the Church. I am encountering a Eucharistic based organization centered upon the ways of St Peter Julian Eymard, discerning participation. My experience with Father David Mary has enlightened me to the fact sensitivity is essential in regards to effective spiritual association. Charism and proper suitability for all involved essential to producing bountiful fruit. Thy will be done.

An image for soothing the mind.  A favorite Mary statue from the Holy Rosary Cathedral in Toledo, excuse questionable quality.  I love the strength of Mary in this statue.  I think of her as bold, proud, and strong in the presentation.  The size may not come through in the photo.  Our Lady, seated, stands I would approximate eight feet tall, larger than life. There is a tremendous might to her presence. It is located in a private setting allowing precious alone time.  The power she possesses as the crowned Queen of Heaven majestically comes through in the statue.

Holy Rosary Cathedral Toledo

Holy Rosary Cathedral Toledo

spacer