Sunday mass at St Paul Shrine touches with delicacy and intimacy, a comfort of authentic practice. It was good to harmonize with the Poor Clares, Sister Mary Joseph leading. The religious sisters strengthen and embolden my relationship with Christ. Looking around, humbly immersed within ambiance and surroundings, the baptism of Christ honored, the Holy Spirit descending bodily as a dove…and a voice came from heaven, “You are my beloved Son; with You I am well pleased,” There is a statue of Padre Pio, I have not concentrated upon in a long time. Today it stood distinct in purpose and relevancy. A dream from years past in which Padre Pio impressed upon me discipline, an angry stern rebuttal of errant behavior—not a friendly visit. The priest was a hard man. Today in mass, in a holy place, a thin place, I reflected upon how much I have been through since moving to Cleveland. How much St Paul Shrine means to me. It is time to move away from the Shrine, yet Sunday mass will repose and arise as a Sabbatical day of grace with the Poor Clares. Coffee and donuts following, Adoration lasting until parting, I am able to participate simply, casting no shadows or fears, under the influence of no shadows or fears. I am deeply reconsidering, or better said allowing God to define a proper social life. That is to say proper in the sense for me, avoiding the plaguing demand of setting precedent based upon my life. My call to God is unique. Everyone’s call to God is unique. In the graphic novel by the Maronite monk Amadeus, ‘The Truth is Out There’, he clearly defines the importance of self-knowledge, knowing who I am essential to the spiritual life, the importance of adhering virtue to God’s plans for us in establishing a life of quality, happiness, and meaning. He accomplishes the matter by presenting a kitchen cutting knife. The knife is meant to cut, designed and created for the purpose. If the cutting knife is used for things not of its purpose it becomes dull. Being sharp is a virtue for the knife. If the knife is properly maintained, used singularly for its unique created purpose, it retains an effective existence. Amadeus defines virtue: ‘virtue is what allows something to make use of its abilities and to us them well’. Remarkable in clarity when applied to the virtues defined by Catholicism. A human life is much more complicated in determining the Creator’s intent for that life. I am convinced it does matter if the Creator’s plan for an individual life is understood, for God does what God does, always active, interceding, and loving in everything He does. For myself, sitting in St Paul Shrine, understanding myself to the best of my capabilities, I am comfortable within the wholeness of existing in a world of complexity populated by original sin spanning generations. I would like friends. I am cutting off, attaching no bitterness, all previous social interactions, while remaining open to all who approach. Chris, the man of prayer, I share text with, yet even seeing him yesterday I never spoke with him. He was upset with me, feeling I was disobedient to God by appearing in the same place as Ann. He is convinced it is God’s desire that I never lay eyes upon the woman again. I was comfortable with the appearance, moved to intimacy through contact with the communal prayer group. I came for the others. I am humble and simple; knowing myself, understanding my emotions, frustrations, excitement. Clearly understanding why I do the things I do. To the best of psychological understanding why I feel and experience the emotions I do. I am not seeking solutions for the world, nor becoming a man intent upon being a Church authority, a man consumed with his intellectual, artistic, or distinct reputation. Identity away from the worship of God means nothing. I allow God to shape and form me to His liking. I am intrigued by John the Hermit and retiring into a religious life. World weary, God knows my heart. I must also take seriously Mary guiding me to the men’s meeting Saturday morning. It was not a gathering of alcoholics, yet similar in nature to an AA meeting. Mary wanted me there for a reason. The men are sober, predominately family men, able to humble themselves to a life dedicated and in service to others. I do not perceive the broken singleness, individuals unable to put together meaningful and mature personal relationships, while demanding to be recognized as advanced spiritually. It is only a gathering once a week, yet it brings comfort, while still aligned with the idea of becoming a hermit, or devoted to a consecrated religious life. During the group talk, one man presented an antagonistic attitude toward Catholicism. He, a non-Catholic, was insulted by the fact he could not receive communion, not understanding why Catholics were so arrogant in their stance not to serve the ‘body of Christ’ to those outside the faith. I perceived the man comes to the Catholic’s men group by invitation, an obviously amiable and good natured man others enjoy teasing and sharing company with. He ignited conversation as the group responded to his polite sense of indignation. Many things were said, many eluding back to Father Barron’s lecture on baptism, a focus upon the sacraments. One distinguished, intelligent, and proud man firmly identified the divinity of the Communion Host demanding respect and standards. God is a God of order and commandments. I presented a contemplative, interior shall we say, approach to faith. One man smiled at me, jabbing a bit, with the remark ‘why come here then? Why gather as a group and talk about spirituality if reason is not the way?” I could only laugh and smile understanding what he was saying. If reason and debate are not the way to understand God, why come together as men? Today during mass, I realized I should have said ‘we come together in order to exercise fellowship, sharing love, supporting one another upon our individual paths. The intellectualizing and talking as Church experts is only frosting on the cake, sweet consolations being exercised’. There were extremely intelligent, humble and good men within the group focused upon defining Catholicism, questioning and praising the ways of the Church in their lives. It was enlightening, fun to participate, yet for myself I cannot abide to the way of defining and declaring what Catholicism is or is not, nor what it should become in the complex times we live within. I am a contemplative comfortable in silence and prayer. I do not need to be right, nor do I feel threatened by others trying or even being right. Fellowship is important, while exterior ways become foreign and distant to my deeper way. I love people. I feel delighted these men invite me to share in their gathering. I am learning to be involved with others, to shake hands, to be well received, not raising myself above or below those I encounter. I am eating a meal right now at Issi’s Place, a Jewish pizza parlor. I stopped in because a snow storm grounded my efforts of travel. I must leave early for work cutting this post short as I brave the storm.