la fe , la esperanza y la caridad

A strong morning of Holy Spirit inspiration, filling and overflowing.  Last night, I ended the vacation retreat at home with dinner at Tasty Pizza on Mayfield with Jim Nagel, enjoying the Monday special of buying one pasta dinner and getting a second free.  Gail from the Hospice ended up sleeping for thirteen hours, declining a dinner invitation.  I was surprised to receive wonderful texts from her this morning expressing her disappointment, insisting we must do something this weekend to make up for the lost time.  I perceived a lowering of defenses within the morning message.  I trust her immensely, associating her with the Hospice in general. She is in upper management at the corporate office intriguing me with her interest and efforts.  I am positive this is something a woman like her does not do easily, nor often if even ever.  If I could speculate I think the women within the Hospice have been talking.  I am stunned she knows my vigils, providing details regarding my Hospice efforts I had no idea she would be familiar with.  It only makes me chuckle.  I cannot deny that anything associated with the Hospice comes easily, conversation with her breezy and flowing.  God is good and all giving.  It seems a dating experience is being placed upon my platter.  There are several things simmering right now, a project with Father Kevin keenly within focus.  The vacation retreat proved enlightening in regards to formation, a defining through non-defining, allowing insight through the perception of ways not to be.  There are many efficacious thoughts that do not need to be expressed.  A loving and nurturing nature preceding forward.  I do not need to be right, nor demonstrate destructively.  Once again, I will end with admiration for the mindset and spirituality of Abbot William in the anchoring of his life within prayer.  It is where I am able to properly place myself before God. I would like to say that it was broached that my efforts with the Hospice must be anchored in humility.  I have no doubt regarding my authenticity, no inclination to justify myself, while appreciating all caution provided by others.  One of the strongest, and most effective, attributes is my absolute insecurity when sitting with a patient. I become consumed with fear that my frailties and imperfections will become an obstacle,.  My faults demand to be addressed, my thorns examined.  I am able to focus upon the patient through the realization and acknowledgment of my sinful tendencies.  I fear I am not enough, and therefor able to touch upon truth, for I am not enough.  There is no illusion of holiness pushing me forward, rather a proper apprehension that God penetrates me to the core.  A fear of God propels forward.  I plead with God to use me not for my sake, not to reject me for my failings, rather to use me for the one lying awaiting his judgement.  Mercy an overwhelming cry.  I find God is using me, allowing me to say proper things, and behave in ways I could not do on my own.  It is truly marvelous to experience.

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