Contemplation Divine

Behold, hold and grasp passionately waiting in faith, beatific purging patience,
Let it be done, inspiration a mighty Mother, watching, taking noticing, alone with her kindness, imploring preparation,
Show me the way, contemplative divine, illuminate the mindset of negation, precipitation,
Following the fundamental non-wandering of normalcy displaced within the extraordinary, a humbling complete,
Teach me to be straight, teach be to be normal, teach me to draw unreservedly no attention upon myself, mediocrity contained, simplicity remain,
Know not the difference of hierarchy, aspiration repudiate, negate, in obedience to everything, servitude, all things immense in majesty and tribute,
Unification, nothing is a part, while still I am praying apart, dumbing down in order to avoid the devastation of spiritual pride, seven paths to stagnation, minimalism return hidden,
Secret amongst secrets, surreptitiously smile upon the darkness of clarification, eradicate progress in order to process enlightenment,
Strike harshly, stealthily smash conceptions, whisper the story of individual formation, a tale of ear-piercing woe, identity usurped,
Unification, called into the being of Three in One, salvation sharing in fertility, first a cold burning, a life after cleansing, love everlasting,
In the meantime walking wide eyed and awake, boredom embraced, idleness a gift, nothing to do, nothing to demand, nothing to declare, nothing to be, happily,
Redeemable time, wasting gracefully moments, easy does it, beyond meditation, needing no names, needing no concepts, loving refrain,
It is enough to weep amidst a smiling heart, to pour forth sorrow beneath the exhilarating scream of joy, to know no bounds while staying with inbounds, to be utterly free while under absolute obedience,
Oh Three in One, my lawlessness incomplete, wounding, allowed, constrained, protecting, guiding a guarding affectionate Heavenly Mother, one to assist a guardian angel,
Mother my inspiration, you never let me wander too far away, omnipresent, ubiquitous, how severely I must have broken your heart, you remained, adoring, showering grace,
Anchoring, showing yourself, touching deeply, finishing, completing, Mother, presenting, you made it impossible to part, amalgamated, God speed forward, together we advance.

Mar052015

St. Gregory of Narek

Prayer 5

Speaking with God from the Depths of the Heart

And now, I, earthbound
and preoccupied with the cares of everyday existence,
numbed by the deceitful wine of foolishness,
I, who lie in all things and am truthful in none,
marked with these faults,
how shall I come before your judgment, Just Judge,
terrible beyond words and telling, mighty God of all?
The more I compare my sinful ingratitude with your loving-kindness,
the more I prove that your law is always stronger,
and my lawlessness, always defeated.

You made me in your glorious image,
favoring a weak being like me
with your sublime likeness,
adorning me with speech,
and burnishing me with your breath,
enriching me with thought,
cultivating me with wisdom,
establishing me with ingenuity,
setting me apart from the animals,
endowing my character with a thinking soul,
embellishing me with a sovereign individuality,
giving birth as a father, nurturing as a nurse,
caring for me as a guardian,
You sowed a wayward being in your courtyard,
irrigated me with the water of life,
cleansed me with the dew of the baptismal fount,
nourished me with heavenly bread,
quenched my thirst with your blood,
acquainted me with the impalpable and unreachable,
emboldened my earthly eyes to seek you,
embraced me in your glorious light,
permitted my unclean earthly hands to make offerings to you,
honored my base, mortal ashes,
like a flicker of light,
imprinted upon a worthless wretch like me your father’s image,
awesome and blessed,
out of your love for mankind.

You did not scald my mouth for daring to call myself your co-heir,
did not reprimand me for arrogantly associating with you,
did not darken the sight of my eyes for gazing upon you,
did not exile me in shackles with those condemned to death,
did not break the wrist of my arm for improperly reaching to you,
did not crack the digits of my fingers for touching the word of life,
did not engulf me with fog for dedicating this to you, fearsome Lord,
did not crush the rows of my teeth for chewing your communion, infinite Lord,
did not turn in anger as I did with you, as with the stubborn house of Israel,
did not dishonor me at your wedding party,
I, who am unworthy of singing and dancing,
did not scold me for my disheveled clothes, I, who am disorderly,
did not cast me into the dark, my hands and feet shackled.

And I exchanged all these portions of
goodness, patience and forgiveness from you,
O beneficent, blessed and always-tolerant God,
for all manner of waywardness of the flesh and the ego,
for the wavering passions of the mind and the diversions of worldliness.
Yes, that is how, my God and Lord, I repaid you for your abundant goodness.
Thus did I offer you evil in the manner of Moses’ ingratitude.
Abandoning wisdom and pursuing foolishness,
thus did I foully dissipate the bounty of your favor with the ways of vanity,
thus in a storm of mindlessness did I lose the beacon of your ineffable grace glowing with your care,
God most high.

And although on many occasions you attempted
to draw me to you by reaching out your helping hand,
I rejected it, as the prophet accused Israel.
And although I promised and made a covenant to please you,
I did not keep it, but again perverted it into something evil.
Reverting to my old ways,
I sowed the field of my heart with thorns of sin for a harvest of dissension.
The words of the God-fearing holy prophet apply to me,
for you expected grapes but instead I sprouted thorns.
I became an unappetizing fruit of bitterness,
outcast from the garden.
Swaying violently in unsteady winds,
always blowing to and fro, I wavered.
Like the voice of blessed Job, I followed my path of no return.
I built my house upon the sands in foolishness.
Misled by the broad gate, I missed the narrow gate to life.
I closed myself off from the pilgrimage of exodus.
I spitefully uncovered the abyss of destruction.
I blocked my hearing against your teaching of life.
I covered the eyes of my soul against the cure of life.
I did not recoil from the wasting of the mind from torpor,
in spite of your trumpet of wrath.
I was not sobered by the reports of the fiery trial,
on the day of judgment.
I did not awaken from the slumber of mortal sleep.
I did not give comfort to your Holy Spirit in my bodily tabernacle.
I did not inhale the allotment of grace you granted me.
With my own hand I wreaked havoc, in the words of the proverb teller,
killing my living soul.

And what is the use of composing these meager and paltry verses
in my state of remorse which passes all measure and evades all cure?
Now it is up to you to offer life to my dead soul
and without vengeance to visit me, a condemned prisoner,
O Son of the Living God, to you be all glory.

Amen.

The Pope on Feb. 21 confirmed St. Gregory of Narek as the Church’s newest doctor. St Gregory of Narek is known for his various poetic writings, especially a book of prayers entitled “Book of Lamentations.”

“This saint is very revered in the Armenian Church. It is not uncommon to find his book in every Armenian household throughout the Middle East…”

Mar042015

Chosen One

How Some Men Are Drawn by God Without Their Knowing It

I have loved her and sought her out from my youth and have chosen her for my bride”. (Book of Wisdom)

An undisciplined spirit, as it first ventured forth, strayed onto the paths of error. There, eternal Wisdom in an indescribable spiritual form confronted him and drew him by means both pleasant and unpleasant until it brought him to the right path of divine truth. And, when he reflected deeply on how wondrously he had been drawn, he addressed God thus: “Dear gentle Lord, since I was a child, my spirit has been searching with unslaked thirst for something. And what this was, Lord, I have never yet fully grasped. For many a year, Lord, I have pursued it feverishly, yet could never attain it because I never really knew what it was; and yet it is something that draws my heart and soul to itself and without which I cannot ever really find peace. Lord, in the early days of my childhood I would search for it as I saw others do before me—in creatures. And more I sought, the less I found; and the closer I came, the farther away I got. Concerning every form that I looked at I heard an inner voice, and before I would occupy myself with it completely or devote myself to it in peace, it would say: ‘This is not what you are searching for’. Always I had this force driving me away from all things. Lord, my heart is raging to possess it because I want it….

Response of eternal wisdom: Don’t you recognize it? It has, after all, lovingly embraced you and has often stood in your path until it gained you for itself alone.

The servant: Lord, I never saw or heard it at all. I don’t know what it is.

Response of eternal wisdom: That is not surprising. It was caused by your intimacy with creatures and your unfamiliarity with it. But now open your inner eyes and see who I am. It is I, eternal Wisdom, who chose you for myself in eternity with the embrace of my eternal providence. I have blocked your path whenever you would have been separated from me if I had let you be. You always found something repugnant in all things. This is the surest mark of my chosen ones, that I want them all for myself.

–Henry Suso ‘Little Book of Eternal Wisdom’

Mar042015

Love, silence, and mortification

Wisdom enters through love, silence, and mortification. It is great wisdom to know how to be silent and to look at neither the remarks, nor the deeds, nor the lives of others.. –St John of the Cross

St John of the Cross Adoring

Mar022015

T.S. Eliot more of the ‘Four Quartets’

III

O dark dark dark. They all go into the dark,
The vacant interstellar spaces, the vacant into the vacant,
The captains, merchant bankers, eminent men of letters,
The generous patrons of art, the statesmen and the rulers,
Distinguished civil servants, chairmen of many committees,
Industrial lords and petty contractors, all go into the dark,
And dark the Sun and Moon, and the Almanach de Gotha
And the Stock Exchange Gazette, the Directory of Directors,
And cold the sense and lost the motive of action.
And we all go with them, into the silent funeral,
Nobody’s funeral, for there is no one to bury.
I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you
Which shall be the darkness of God. As, in a theatre,
The lights are extinguished, for the scene to be changed
With a hollow rumble of wings, with a movement of darkness on darkness,
And we know that the hills and the trees, the distant panorama
And the bold imposing facade are all being rolled away-
Or as, when an underground train, in the tube, stops too long between stations
And the conversation rises and slowly fades into silence
And you see behind every face the mental emptiness deepen
Leaving only the growing terror of nothing to think about;
Or when, under ether, the mind is conscious but conscious of nothing-
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
Whisper of running streams, and winter lightning.
The wild thyme unseen and the wild strawberry,
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.

You say I am repeating
Something I have said before. I shall say it again.
Shall I say it again? In order to arrive there,
To arrive where you are, to get from where you are not,
You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstacy.
In order to arrive at what you do not know
You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.
In order to possess what you do not possess
You must go by the way of dispossession.
In order to arrive at what you are not
You must go through the way in which you are not.
And what you do not know is the only thing you know
And what you own is what you do not own
And where you are is where you are not.

Mar012015

King of kings

Feb272015

Discorded Affections

At times immense viewing, I feel my father breathing through my eyes,
Discontent, malcontent. A washed in the misery of a moment. Creation surrounding.
A sunrise upon a snowy morning, brushed pruinose trees, squirrels anxious to feed,
Beauty transfixed. All is good. Moral theology. The Creator and creatures.
Locked within amentia, descending, replicating back, my father’s father’s father’s….unsatisfied. Demented, sadness, loving, profoundly feeling individuality.
Are you satisfied screaming unsatisfied demands, insisting upon insisting, frustrated, perplexed, muscles sore from aching, trying so awfully hard at everything,
Tumbling weed, inexorably breathe, desiring conceive, the foundational underpinnings, impossible dreams,
Anchors away, batten down the hatches, notch by notch, minute by minute, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,
The wind blowing through the branches, flittering, fluttering, song birds singing, a rabbit nesting, the sound of a soft splash unseen, distant waters reflecting,
Lacking love, achromic, black and white fading into a devastating grey, emotionally longing lustfully, wanting nothing more for nothing more calls in upon itself, the quietest moments preoccupations bore, wanting to give it all away for lasting peace,
An exchange, a word, the word, loganamnosis, unheard, momentary reverberations, knowing the possessed, the gifts received at birth, the Creator perceived.
Nothing understood, action remains unrequiting. An unprofitable servant, serving one’s self, ungratefulness.
Guilt, shame, repressed, unequivocally slothful in repose, unable to accomplish generational insufficiencies, momentary, flashes of truth, flashes of pain,
A dove alighting, a crow never returning, a black stallion, a white mare, a charioteer, a romance, the Divine courting, unconditionally calling,
‘Lord, are you near?’
‘I AM, my dear.’
‘Do you really love me?’
‘Do you love the squirrels? Ten fold and a thousand times more.’
Eternal laughter, tears, a knowing, aware…

Catholic Contemplative Life

A journey of recovery within Christ and His Church

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